Feedback comes in many ways, but not often in a way we like to perceive it. Even positively intended, it can hit you like an unexpected punch, right in your face, knocking you out, leaving you unconscious. By the time you regain consciousness the time for a proper reaction has passed. Maybe you can take the hit better in round two. It does make you wonder, why do we always feel the need to defend ourselves when under "attack"?
I personally admit I can feel offended by feedback when I didn't ask for it. Feedback is like looking in the mirror on days you know you have a bad hairdo and you don't want to be reminded. Unwanted feedback is a happy state destroyer. Let's face it, the delivery of a message either negative or positive is an art form not mastered by many. I want to look into that mirror by choice, on days when I feel like it. When I don't like what I see and change is needed, I decide when I take matters into my own hand. Unfortunately, I also have to wake up and smell the coffee sometimes. If you have never taken a hit, you wouldn't ever have known how strong you can be.
So how do I take feedback? I use the what I call filter system. Perceive the things that seem useful even if I don't like to hear it, and toss all the things that I think are useless over my shoulder. This is a skill that can be mastered by everybody, but it has to be trained. When the feedback that is given goes over and over in your mind, write it down in key words. Subsequently divide those key words in two groups. One group that matches your personal process and that you'll find useful. The second group that matches your shuffle it up your ass standards and that you find useless. Write the keywords on two separate piece of papers, tear the useless (shuffle it up your ass) paper up, toss it over your shoulder and let it go. From this point on stop thinking about it. Life is about whatever brings you joy and brain racking insecurities will never make that work for you.
Be happy,
~Ilona~
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